Mixed Bag of Emotions

It's probably due to the insane amount of hormones in my system but I am a mixed bag of emotions right now.

I apologize if you're expecting any kind of inspirational quotes or scriptures but that's a different blog for a different day. If there's anyone reading this that may go through IVF in the future, I'm not doing them any good if I turn this blog into a fluff piece.

It's hard. It's full of curve balls and unknown.

On the one hand, I am majorly bummed that this month and June are out of the cards for us to get pregnant. It's a freakin bummer and we were so excited. It may seem little but infertility is a constant fight against getting your hopes up. We had finally let a little hope creep in to have it snatched up. We had dared to dream "hey we might be pregnant in a few days".

On the other hand, it seems like this may just be working out the way it needs to. They mentioned that my progesterone levels are already rising which with the route we are now going isn't a big deal but if we were still doing the transfer this month, it could have been a problem.

The priority is to get as good of odds as we can and a healthy pregnancy.

They were worried about me this morning and how we took the news about not doing the transfer. Apparently a lot of couples throw fits and really push the doctor into doing the transfer anyway.

This doesn't make any sense to me. If a fertility doc is telling me "if we get you pregnant right now, it could land you in the hospital or with a loss"... that's a disappointing decision but a no brainer.

Plus, we've waited this long, what's 6 more weeks if it means a healthy mommy and baby?

It is official that the egg retrieval is going to be bright and early Thursday morning. In all, I should only be under anesthesia for about 30 minutes which is nothing compared to previous surgeries I've had so not too worried about that. They expect to get between 10-20 eggs but we should know Thursday afternoon.

By Friday we'll know if any and how many eggs fertilized. This is the next worry on my heart that could use some prayers. Just please pray that the two sides play nice together and we have some healthy embryos to freeze.