Worst Kept Secret Ever :)

On July 10th I went and had my blood work done to find out if our FET cycle had worked or not.

Unfortunately, I also had an all-day onsite training at a client that day so I didn't want to get the news while I was there. So poor Derek had to sit by the phone and wait for the call and deliver the news to me.

We knew the call would come between 2-4 pm and my client session would be over around 4. I told Derek that I wasn't going to call him like I typically do on the way home because I wanted to be safely at home for whatever the news turned out to be. I knew I would cry either way so it was best to be home for that.

They called him around 2:30 with the news and he had to sit on it for an hour and a half before I got home.

As I walk through the door with my stuff, I see him in the bedroom working on his laptop and just try to get some sort of read on him. Poker face. I got nothin...

I asked "Well?"

"We're pregnant."

And we cried. Oh man we just cried and held each other. We made it to this unreachable milestone we had been climbing towards for 2 1/2 years. We finally got to call our parents with good news instead of disappointment.

It was just incredibly surreal (still kind of is).

Since then it's been a bit of a roller coaster. The extra hormones I've had to be on have made morning sickness an all day affair (already lost about 4 pounds but I'm sure I'll make up for it later). We also had a few scares that luckily turned out to be nothing.

We are just over the 10 week mark with a singleton pregnancy. Our little one is due around March 20th but if he/she takes after their daddy it will probably be a little earlier. Derek was born about the size of a one month old so I'm not sure I have what it takes for that... we'll see.

Last week they weaned me off the last of our meds so we are no longer infertility patients (until baby #2 at least); we're just a boring old pregnant couple and could not be happier about it :)

Thank you for your prayers! We still have such a long way to go and could definitely use more but for now we are in a very good place!!

Oh and speaking of the roller coaster... Seeing this little gummy bear and hearing the heart beat has definitely been the peak so far!

Transfer Complete!

Aren't those the most beautiful little blobs ever?!? BTW, the slightly darker bits towards the lower right on each is the baby part. Crazy huh?

So the option we went with was to have them thaw two but if only one survived the thaw, we would just have them put that one in and still leave the other two in the freezer.

Apparently that is a strange request but that's what we felt was right for us and it ended up that both survived anyway.

The transfer itself was very strange and surreal in that it was so simple but possibly life altering. Honestly, it was slightly easier than a pap smear.

And even my bladder held out! So that's a win!

For those that are curious- the bladder has to be full because apparently when it's full it spreads out like a window so that they can see the uterus more clearly on the sonogram. They use the sono machine to guide the catheter to the right spot to drop the babies off. 

Took about 5 minutes and then they had me lie flat for an hour before letting us go home.

Pretty easy day and now I just lay here for 24 hours so that they can get settled in.

Still processing everything cause I just don't feel any different physically than I did this morning. I have to remind myself "yep they're in there".

And we both just keep staring at the picture of them with amazement. 

While I pray they get physically attached to me, we're doing our best to try not to get too emotionally attached to them yet because there are just so many possible outcomes of this thing.

But today was a giant step and hopefully it all pays off!  

Transfer Eve

Well my sticker chart of meds is full, so that must mean tomorrow is transfer day!!

And yes, I realize that looks like a two-year-old's potty training chart but it has really been helpful. Esp. since I have to take meds at different times of the day and at varying doses.

Plus, I think if you have to get shots in your butt, you should at least get a sticker!

Tomorrow's time line is:
- Get there at 10:45... hold a full bladder without wetting myself
- Transfer at 11:45 which should only take about 15 minutes (still holding bladder)
- Lay there for an hour to let things settle (still holding bladder... hopefully)
- Peeing what will probably be the best pee of my life

And then I'm a princess on bed rest for 24 hours. This part sounds good but I tend to have trouble with people waiting on me. I'm very used to just doing stuff myself.

However, I am going to suck it up because I'm not going to let a little thing like independence jeopardize our chances.

Get your prayer hats on and your positive vibes flowing cause it is game time!!

Big Shot Update

I honest to God thought Derek chickened out because I felt him squeeze the area and it felt like he touched it and then abruptly walked away real quick.

I was like "what's wrong?" And he said "nothing, it's done." He was just going to go get the hot wash rag to massage the area with.

I was so shocked that I didn't even feel it!

Night one done!

Home Stretch!

Well, it looks like this might actually happen!

I have black sharpie circles on my rear for where we will start the progesterone shots tonight and our appointment this morning showed everything is on track so far.

We did talk to the doc and got to ask a bunch of questions that have been brewing:

Why did we end up with only 4?  (he's not sure)

What happens next if this doesn't work? (another FET)

Should we transfer 1 or 2? (TBD)

When will we know if it worked? (July 10th)

The only thing left to do is decide on 1 or 2. We have until Friday to tell them what we've decided. The doc gave us the standard risk/stats speech but said he didn't have a strong opinion on it for us either way.

That effectively just kicked the ball back into our court.

This is one of those times where being analytical is not an asset. Each scenario feels like a sure ticket to a worst case scenario. 1 embryo = failure, 2 embryos = premature twins or vanishing twin or any other horrible outcome.

That's the sucky thing about infertility. You get to the point where you assume the outcome isn't going to be what you want. After 4+ months of this one extended treatment, it's a lot of pressure to put on one decision.

But we're going to sleep on it and pray on it and just pick a road and follow it through. There's so many possible outcomes that it's mostly out of our hands any way.

All we can do is try to hope and follow directions, get through the transfer on Tuesday and try to keep ourselves distracted until July 10th (that sounds so close but yet so far away!!)

It's go time!!

FETs are Kinda Boring...

This FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycle is pretty boring and drawn out.

I guess that's not really a bad thing since logistically it's much easier to deal with and plan out. Plus I think my body finally got used to this Lupron drug (still not sure what it does).

The only bad thing about boring, drawn out treatments is it leaves a lot of time to over analyze things.

The main decision that lies ahead of us this cycle is how many embryos to transfer back to me.

I have to admit, at the beginning of the IVF process, I was dead set on two. I wanted twins and then to never deal with fertility crap ever again. Apparently this is an extremely common thought process and why twin births are very common for IVF patients. It's also why many doctors and labs are now advocating for single transfers (if you're a certain age and the embryos are good quality).

Mo' babies equals mo' problems.

It's very strange the decisions that you are faced with during this process. Decisions that no one really ever wants to face. Like what happens to your embryos if you and your spouse get divorced or if one of you dies. We had to fill out paperwork for that and it was kinda sad and awkward.

But how do you decide how many embryos to transfer? That's not a decision that you really want to be in charge of.

If you get pregnant with multiples in a more "natural" way, you just have to deal with it.

But if you played an active role in "choosing" to have multiples, it seems like there's more pressure there.

If we put two back and end up with twins, how much guilt will I possibly have seeing them in the NICU all because I wasn't patient enough to have them one at a time?

I'm not sure if that would be the case but it seems like moms already carry enough guilt if anything is wrong with their kid so this just feels like it would add another layer of complexity.

I guess what it comes down to is that now that the embryos are here and they are no longer hypothetical, I feel like I have to make decisions as a "parent" (with zero experience in that dept).

Even though two would increase our chances of pregnancy, is it what's best for our kids in the long run? What will get them here as safely as possible?

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm judging anyone's decisions since this whole process is complex and different for every one.

Who knows? Maybe the doctor will have a sound argument in favor of putting back two. I think if that's the case, at least some of the burden is off of us and more on a professional's opinion.

It's just a strange place to be in with heavy decisions left to make but hopefully God guides the course and we just focus on the true goal of healthy babies... even if it means a smaller chance at a positive pregnancy test....

Dear Lupron, I hate you

Let me count the ways.

I hate you because in order to get you to do anything, I have to stab myself in the belly. Every. Night.

For 2 weeks straight....

I hate you because within 30 minutes of our evening rendezvous, my evening is pretty much shot (pun intended) cause you make me feel like poop.

Not cool Lupron. Not cool.

Whatever it is you're supposedly doing in there, you better do it right cause I sincerely do not want to see you again until we're ready for ice baby #2.

....

Alright, so I am back on shots (woohoo). It's not sucking as much as I thought it would but this med is not fun. It kinda makes me feel like I have a stomach bug and dehydration... no bueno.

But the good news is, we're halfway between the egg retrieval and the frozen embryo transfer (less than 1 month away!). Still shooting for a 7/1 transfer and it is good to be at least starting the meds and getting them over with.

Time for my Lupron date!